14 weeks

I can't believe in one day I will have spent 14 weeks or *98* straight days in the hospital. Don't get me wrong, I am unbelievably thankful that it is me in here rather than Cydney in the NICU. But, it's still hard and I'm starting to get really restless. I know that everyday counts and with each passing hour Cydney is getting stronger. I want to bring her home with us and skip the NICU altogether. That is my sole focus right now. I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize and push forward with all I have.

I know God has provided me the strength, will, and determination to get through this pregnancy. I am simply too weak to have done it on my own. I know that it is God alone that has kept me and is still keeping me pregnant. It brings me perfect peace that regardless of the day or gestational week I feel is best for Cydney's birth, He knows best, better than me. And, that's a relief.

On Wednesday, I'll be 34 weeks and we'll get another growth scan to see how much Little Miss is weighing. She is moving around all the time and sometimes I feel like she is gonna kick right through me! Over the weekend, I got a final round of steroids to help with lung development. Those shots made me have more contractions than normal and I got a little anxious there for a bit.

Things have seemed to calm down, although, I've established myself as a 'night contractor' for some reason. The nurses say it's very common on the Antepartum unit and everyone has their own patterns. The funny thing is that I sleep through them and don't feel a thing. My doctor was a little concerned with all the activity on the monitor I had going on one night last week and really stressed to me that after we hit 34 weeks, he's going to have a very low threshold for my contractions. Meaning, his concern is my classical incision and cerclage, therefore, he doesn't want me going into labor, not even close. So after this Wednesday, things will be very touch and go, day by day. We don't have a scheduled c-section date simply because my doctor thinks that things are going to happen fast and there's no need to have it scheduled.

Of course now that I'm so close to 34 weeks, my goal is 35weeks. I am never satisfied and always want one more. It's exciting for me to think that 35 weeks is only 10 days away. Wow!

My amazing sister in laws, Mandy & Jenny, and mother in law, Kathy, threw me the best shower here at the hospital on Saturday morning. It was beautiful and we had a great time. I actually wore a dress and put on make up and looked 'normal' again! We were given so many adorable and special things for our baby girl. She is going to be the best dressed baby girl in town! We are so thankful for all of our great family and friends and for all they do for us. We couldn't be more blessed. Of course, we have lots of great pictures, but I can't download them to this computer, so I'll have to post those after we're back at home.

Coy is doing fabulous and is loving that he can walk. He goes, goes, and goes! He is the cutest thing I have ever seen!

I will of course keep you updated if something happens/plans change before Wednesday. Thanks for all your continued love and support; it means the world to us!

33 week Belly Shot!

Okay, I'm getting brave posting these (can you say bedhead?)...here is 33 weeks! Whohoo! =)

33 weeks

Today I am 33 weeks pregnant; I am so excited!

This will be a quick update because really nothing has changed over the past few days. My doctor decided to not check my cervix this morning because I haven't had any pain or bleeding and he thought it'd be best to wait until next week. Sounds good to me! =)

I had another BPP on Tuesday; Cydney did great and was looking so cute! They haven't done a weight estimate since 31 weeks, but I'm hoping she's at least 4 lbs and some change. I can definitely feel her growing in there---she seems to be stretching out everywhere! She is still head up and bottom down, which doesn't matter anyway since I'll have a c-section regardless.

Thanks for all your continued love and support! I promise to update if something changes suddenly!

feeding the ducks

Thought I'd share some cute pictures of my boy feeding the ducks today...


playing with his Grandma C

still here, still pregnant

Today I am 32w4d pregnant. That is amazing for me to think about. I now am aiming for 33weeks. I say that every week; "I just need to make it one more week, then I'll relax." I feel like I'm learning to swim and my dad keeps backing up in the water, making me panic a little and swim further to him. You feel like you could not possibly swim any further, but then you do because your choices are either to sink or keep swimming. That's kinda what a high risk pregnancy feels like for me.

I know this 'leg' of our journey will be ending soon, and I'm grateful and sad about that all in the same. I can't wait to meet our daughter and see what she looks like, kiss and snuggle with her, and become our family of four. But I'm trying to enjoy every kick and movement I feel because it will be the last time I will experience pregnancy. I can't envision us undertaking this journey again, and we're happy being the parents of 'two' kids. I get asked a lot if we plan on having any more kids and my response is: NOT FROM THIS UTERUS!

For whatever reason, my body was not cut out to carry babies. Although God has brought us through the desert twice (with Coy and this pregnancy), I could not physically or mentally do this or a difficult NICU stay again. Not willingly, at least. And, I'm okay with that. We are blessed beyond measure to be able to get pregnant and have children, regardless of the struggles it brings. But for us, two is a good stopping point and we feel peace with that.

In other news, I will have a BPP (Biophysical profile) on Tuesday, then my doctor will check my cervix again on Wednesday. Other than that, I'll just be hanging out enjoying the end of my 'rest' vacation. =)

Can you believe 34 weeks is only 1o days away? Crazy!

32 weeks, 100% Effaced

Today marks 32 weeks gestation; it feels good to hit this milestone! The past 4 weeks have gone by quickly; I remember feeling the same sense of relief at 28 weeks and that seems like yesterday.

I had a dream last night that I was able to go home for a few weeks. It was one of those 'real' dreams and I was so excited in it. When I woke up, I thought to myself, 'well, maybe it could happen.' Wishful thinking, I guess?

My dream was quickly squashed after my doctor examined me mid-morning. He said, "I know you had that dream, but you're not going anywhere. You're 100% effaced; you have absolutely no cervix left." I am not dilated, but only because the cerclage is holding it closed. We're leaving the stitch in place for now. He told me today that he did think I will have some blood if it starts to pull---so we're watching closely for that. Hopefully, we'll make it another week or two. Basically, when the stitch has to come out, so does the baby.

God knows the exact day Cydney will come and that's the perfect day for her birth. He has given me a peace that things will be okay. When I called to tell Chris the update, he reminded me that there is no need to worry--and that I should enjoy these last few hours/days/weeks of pregnancy. And, that is what I'm going to do---enjoy being pregnant and get LOTS of sleep while I can. I'll consider these last few days/weeks my 'rest vacation' before I have a toddler and newborn at home!

But, at least Coy has started helping around the house--- anyone need a precious 19 month old to deep clean their carpets? =)
Thanks for all your continued love and support. We are so blessed by you. We will continue to take things day to day. I promise to keep you updated if anything changes suddenly. =)

31w4d

I can now see the 'light at the end of the tunnel.' I was so thankful to get to 28weeks, then 30weeks, now I want 32weeks. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be 'ready' to give birth. I think regardless of the gestational week (even at term), I'll feel like it's 'too early.' When your baby is born prematurely, you carry a guilt that your body failed and your child suffered. I want to protect Cydney with everything I have, and the best way for me to do that, is for her to be in my womb. I do, however, have a sense of relief that is she was born soon, her NICU course would be much different than what we experienced with Coy. Obviously, if we can avoid the NICU completely, I won't complain, but it's nice to be *almost* 32 weeks.

I don't have much to update today. Everything is pretty much the same, thank God! I have really good days where I don't feel many contractions, and then I have days where everything is really irritable. My doctor is going to start checking my cervix once per week (I think starting tomorrow). The reason for this is because I have a cerclage (stitch) in place and if my cervix is fully effaced and dilating, the cerclage will have to be removed. The stitch wont break--it will tear my cervix. He said I may or may not have bleeding/pain and therefore, I may not be aware if something is changing. Obviously, that needs to be watched closely and prevented.

Coy and Chris came to visit Saturday and Sunday. I love spending time with them. It's nice to have 'family' time and just hang out. Coy is walking so good. He is everywhere and so proud of himself! We are so proud of him too!

I took some cute pictures of him today, but can't download them to this computer. Sorry, you won't see any good pictures until after I get back home! =)

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers! We couldn't do this without your love and support.